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The Weekly Face Puncher: Injured player notification

Monday, June 05, 2006

Injured player notification

Dr. Phillip Wang
Haight Ashbury Free Clinic
P.O. Box 29917, San francisco CA
(415) 552 2114

Under recent care of Face Puncher Justin Schmidt I have deemed him unable to participate in league play for the next few weeks due to a rare but serious medical conidition. On Wednesday May 31st Mr. Schmidt stepped into my office for a routine check-up. During the check-up Mr. Schmidt had mentioned that he had a terrible burning sensation during urination and had also pointed out that an ungodly fungus has been growing from his left ear. Following standard procedure I informed Mr. Schmidt of the possibilites of sexually transmitted diseases and he mentioned that he had been moon lighting with a few of the prostitutes of Larkin St. Upon completion of a lab test Mr. Schmidt tested negative for any transmitted diseases so I can base my assumption that Mr. Schmidt has been up to his usual drinking habits of a Norweigen viking.
He also added that while one of the "girls" was tickling him with her mustache while having her toungue in his ear whispering sweet nothings. I took a specimen of the fungus and colinated it, results found a rare bacteria known to be found in only in street junkies. Antibodies where given to Mr. Schmidt to fight the infection but as league doctor I do have to keep the client on the injured reserve list for the next few weeks. Fortunatley for the league there is not a game until the 25th so I believe Mr. Schmidt will be suited up for the game and ready to complain of shortness of breathe and stop for the occasional hot girl walking by breaks.

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