TEAM BLACK!!! Expected To Make Team Red Look Like the Bitches That They Are
Next week's much anticipated Super Beach is sure to be a star studded event. According to White House spokesman Ari Fleisher, President Bush has allready purchased his front row tickets from some gay guy on craigslist for an astounding $6,000. The girls from Flavor of Love are scheduled for a nude wrestling match prior to the singing of the national anthem, including the one who shit on the floor. Even Hugh Hefner and his "Girls Next Door" are arriving via helicopter. According to Hef, he's looking forward to seeing "that strikingly good looking TeddyTwonames tear that big irish guy with the sideburns a new asshole." His girls affirmed this by showing the questioning reporter their breasts.
One thing that all these celebrities, a recent Gallup poll involving 98% of the American public, every single employee at ESPN, that Chinese guy that works at Walgreen's, and your mom have in common, is that they agree that TEAM BLACK!!! not only has much larger penises, but that they will also make team red question their manhood and their sexuality by scoring like a million points and then kicking sand in team red's face when they are crying like little bitches.
TEAM BLACK!!!'s roster is quite impressive.
Most point to Morin's multiple MVP awards, which, it must be noted, were achieved this year in the face of an estrogen doping scandal, and his tumultuous gay love affair with Andy Dick. Oh and Jim "nipple rings" McFadden. They had some kinky thing going on, too. Morin's deceptively unathletic, overwieght build hides the heart of an Aztez warrior who really kinda looks Arab. But whatever. The man can move.
Mr. Twonames, who has also gone through his fair share of "silly bullshit with stupid bitches", has also completely dominated the #1 draft pick adam "i think i look cool with my hat curled up" in the front" mc o' mac bride on the sand this season. Calls to his agent, who it turns out really is his mother, could not confirm his last name. She only said mcbride was taking a "nappy nap" and had just wet his bed. Twonames is not only faster, he has also learned to tap into his crime ridden past and his superior athletic talent in order to score whenever the hell he wants and
scare the shit out of whoever is in front of him.
In addition, TEAM BLACK!!! has Josh Brooks and Anthony Green, two studs on the sand this season who have not only actually played organized football before, but who are also African-American, which is cool. Plus Green is really big, and Josh is fast and wears these football gloves he got at Target (on sale).
Aaron Brodeuer, now sober, is also expected to do more than swat footballs away from him when they come near. More than likely, he'll suplex that little skinhead looking Brian guy from New Jersey when he tries to pass the ball. This is according to some homeless guy on the corner of Jones and Geary in San Francisco, CA.
Joe Montanta released a public statement Tuesday confirming that he thinks that "Mark Brown is going to place his testicles in Jin's head while scoring touchdowns and winking at his girl". Mr. Montanta's wife was by his side when this statement was given on NBC, and she is seen nodding vigorously in agreement.
Nick Somebody, David Merkes, Tailor Haisch, Andrew Stych, having recently ran their own NFL training camp attended by the hapless Raiders and 49'ers, are also expected to be in top form as usual.
The athletic specimen's that compose TEAM BLACK!!! can be seen from these various press pics above. There's also a pic of a bunch of girls getting down to business, but I swear, I don't know how that got in there.