The Weekly Face Puncher: Face Punchers Trivia Challenge

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Face Punchers Trivia Challenge

Welcome to the 1st annual Facepunchers Trivia Challenge. Here, our dedictated and ravenous fans have an opportunity to learn more about the mythology behind the undefeated Facepunchers. Test your knowledge about the gods among men that compose the roster of the 2006 team of destiny. For each correct answer, you must take a shot of whiskey. To play the game correctly, this whiskey must be Jim Beam (official sponsor of the Facepunchers) and it must be in a paper bag. Also, you must be drunk already. Let the games begin...

1) Which member of the Facepunchers currently shares a bunk-bed with another man? Hint: He has been described by local media as looking like "a young Marlon Brando with a drinking problem."

a. Rich Kahle (currently a third-string receiver in the Bitch Leagues)
b. Aaron Brodeur
c. Colby Pritchard
d. All of the above share what's called a" triple-decker" in the basement of The End-Up.

2) Who is the only Facepuncher to sustain injuries to each of his pinky toes? Hint: This player is sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon through the 2009 season.

a. Adam McBride
b. Teddy Two-Names
c. Jin-Claude Voeks
d. Peter Counts

3) Which Facepuncher once purchased $200.00 of alcohol at Safeway, despite having no food? Hint: He can also be seen wandering the streets of San Francisco drunk in a cow suit.

a. David Merkis
b. Jin Voeks
c. Carlos Morin
d. it is likely that all members of the team have done this at some point in their lives.

4) Which Facepuncher once took out a $500.00 bank loan to throw a party. Hint: He also recieved a blow-job from a transvestite in a furniture store.

a. Anthony "Greedy" Green
b. Brian "The Mic" McKelvey
c. Carlos Morin
d. no one on the team has ever had $500 at one time.

5) This Facepuncher is quoted as saying the following: "I would rather endure racial slurs than fat jokes." Hint: He's fat and black.

a. Taylor Haisch
b. Anthony Green
c. Justin Schmidt
d. there are no black Facepunchers

6) Which Facepuncher has twice been robbed at a San Francisco massage parlor? Hint: He also sprained his ankle in what history will remember as the first "unofficial" Facepunchers game while drunk in a parking lot at midnight after the Superbowl.

a. Mark Brown
b. Peter Counts
c. David DeChantal
d. Joey Bartlow

7) This Facepuncher has been on a pain-killer-fueled rampage ever since sustaining a toe-threatening foot injury while stomping an opponent's face? Hint: It's Taylor.

a. Taylor
b. Nick Callahan
c. Brett
d. according to SFPD Chief Ron "double-down" Ward, pain-killer-fueled rampages have been attributed to several of the 2006 Facepunchers. This information was relayed via satellite from his Las Vegas estate.

8) Which member of the 2006 squad has been known to frequently "break the white-trash rule", indulging in malt-liquor as early as 10:00 in the morning? Hint: He has a monkey-puppet named Ramon.

a. David "the mustache" De Chantal
b. Ramon
c. Adam McBride
d. Teddy Two-Names

9) He is the only Facepuncher to actually have his member flop out of his pants during league play. Hint: He didn't even stop running to tuck it back in.

a. Eric Meissner
b. David Merkis
c. Carlos Morin
d. Ramon

10) This Facepuncher has not held job in over a year. Hint: He's broke.

a. Jesse Hodge
b. Josh Brooks
c. Colby Pritchard
d. several of the Facepunchers fit into this category.

11) Which player's in-game attire has been described as looking like "a lesbian house-painter?" Hint: He's a Canadian, and thinks that the Facepunchers "play hockey on the sand."

a. Jim McFadden
b. Tyrone Shoelaces
c. Andrew Stych
d. none of the above, because we would never let a filthy Canadian on the field

12) This 2006 Facepuncher has literally hundreds of illegitimate children spread all across South America? Hint: In his FBI profile, he is known as either "Johnny Appleseed," "Hand Solo," or "The Spider."

a. Carlos Morin
b. Brett
c. Justin Schmidt
d. As an organization, the Facepunchers have fathered a total of over 100,000 bastard children across the globe

13) Which of the Facepunchers has intentionally pulled his shorts down revealing his bare hindquarters just moments before receiveing a pass? Hint: He was quoted after the game stating, "I thought the move would help me score one way or another."

a. Jin Voeks
b. Aaron Brodeur
c. Adam McBride
d. Ramon

14) This Facepuncher holds the current record for most T-shirts shredded during league play. Hint: As a result of this streak, he has faced several fines from the league office for violating the "no half-shirts policy".

a. Josh Brooks
b. Taylor Haisch
c. Teddy Two-Names
d. Jesse Hodge

15) Which of the Facepunchers has been quoted as saying his patented "racing stripes" give him an extra burst of speed on the sand? Hint: There is media speculation that this is actually a misquote, and the real statement reads "I like to do speed on the sand."

a. David De Chantal
b. Joey Bartlow
c. Eric Meissner
d. Aaron "I've been kicked off the team" Keane

16) This Facepuncher will be the likely recipient of the "Puff the Magic Dragon" Award for his consistent commitment to being stoned out of his gourd for the majority of FCBFL's games. Hint: Brodeur is hot on his heels for runner-up for this prestigious award.

a. Nick Callahan
b. Dean Holmes
c. Colby Pritchard
d. Taylor Haisch

17) This Facepuncher recently donned "wide-receiver gloves," only to remove them before the game, complaining that they "got sand on them." Hint: Claims to be sponsored by Nike.

a. Andrew Stych
b. Brett
c. Josh Brooks
d. Aaron Brodeur

18) Which Facepuncher has sustained the largest laceration during league play? Hint: This wound was treated by the time-tested method of "covering it with a hat and then playing more."

a. Teddy Two-Names
b. Jim McFadden
c. Dean Holmes
d. No one in the league can afford a hat

19) This player stands only four-foot seven and weighs in at eighty-four pounds. Hint: He has used his dimunitive stature as an advantage, often hiding in the pockets of opposing receivers, then popping out to snatch the ball at the last second.

a. Joey Bartlow
b. Anothony Green
c. Brett
d. Adam McBride

20) This Facepuncher has been referred to as "the Warren Sapp of the FCBFL after dominating the defensive line in the Super Beach. Hint: He's the one and only friend of receiver Jin Voeks.

a. Carlos Morin
b. Brett
c. Peter Counts
d. Jin doesn't have any friends

21) This Facepuncher is currently wanted by the FBI regarding a three-state crime spree involving a donkey, three strippers, and a trunk-full of heroin. Hint: He showed up over two hours late for the Super Beach.

a. Andrew Stych
b. Nick Callahan
c. Dan Lewis
d. Jesse Hodge

22) Which Facepuncher has actually admitted to having played flag football? Hint: He's one of three "Mic's" on the squad.

a. Brian McKelvey
b. Jim McFadden
c. Adam McBride
d. The Facepunchers would never allow any Irishmen or Scottsmen around our women

23) This co-founder of the team has been arrested for prostitution with Carlos Morin on Polk street dressed as an ugly, ugly woman. Hint: His legal defense consisted of showing up in court drunk wearing a baby carrier with a midget in it (also drunk) and screaming "I needs to feed my youngin'!"

a. Ramon
b. Jesse Hodge
c. Taylor Haisch
d. Jim McFadden

Answer Key: 1) b 2) d 3) b or d 4) c or d 5) b 6) a 7) a 8) a 9) b 10) a 11) c 12) c 13) c 14) c 15) c 16) c 17) c 18) c 19) a 20) b 21) b 22) a 23) d

Well, there you have it folks, the real story surrounding some of the myth and folklore that is the 2006 Facepunchers. Here is the scoring system to rate your knowledge of the greatest team ever to play any sport in the history of time--Let's see what category you fit into:

17-23--You are hereby an honorary Facepuncher, and an astute disciple of the Team of Destiny. Your knowledge of the team is second to none. Also, you're probably wasted.

12-16-- You are hereby an honorary Facepuncherette, still well-versed in team lore, but perhaps at times too intoxicated to recall some of the season's highlight-reel moments.

6-11-- You are at best, a casual fan-- a "bandwagon-rider" if you will. You probably started following the team after we won our first five and decided to jump on for the ride.

0-5-- You probably stumbled onto this site by accident looking for a dojo.


Anonymous dan lewis said...

I got 100%! You guys are amazing!

12:09 AM, November 29, 2006  
Anonymous luis farrakhan said...

this survery is racist!

1:22 AM, November 30, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home