Face Punchers Playbook Leaked to Public
These guys are idiots!
The first place Face Punchers of the Full-Contact Beach Football League have done it again, but no sex scandal or even a uniform violation can match up to this mishap.
It seems as though your beloved yet controversial hometown heroes have lost their playbook.
Earlier this morning, an unknown person who is unknown, delivered the playbook to the front steps of the offices of The San Francisco Chronicle. Reporters Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams were the first to find the playbook and just as quick as one could say, "Stephanie, WOW!!", the playbook was published.
Carlos Morin, the founder of The Face Punchers, was reached later at his Tenderloin mansion and had this to say, "It's very disturbing to me to think that someone would have broken into our Tenderloin Headquarters and rob us of not only are precious playbook but our pride and dignity as well". Not making anymore sense than his last statement, Morin went on to comment that the Tenderloin was a safe place and that crime in the community was unheard of, until last night.
Authorities have only few leads at this time but plan to question The Grand Bitches from Hotel Monaco, who suffered an embarrasing loss to The Face Punchers earlier this week. Police Chief Ron Ward of the San Francisco Police Department has stated that several key pieces of evidence have turned up, placing The Grand Bitches at the scene of the crime. Evidently, the culprits from last nights break-in left behind a saucisson pizza, a cook with no papers and more importantly, a RWR bartender still on the clock and drinking shots of tequila.
"We got the call around midnight and showed up close to 3", replied police Chief Ward. "we're taking steps now to find out who the criminals are and i figure we'll know something soon", he continued, "now if you'll let me by, I have to catch a plane to Vegas".
"I know a few Mexicans over there that are capable of this", replied Morin." I even know a cocktail waitress that wouldn't mind pissing me off", he continued, "shes a looker but she's got a real attitude problem", he stated.
The playbook, which consisted of original plays such as, "Go Deep", "Get Open" and "Seriously Guys, Get Open", were key plays to The Face Punchers successful opening day victory.
"The guys and I have developed some really good plays over the past several weeks and it's a shame that those plays are in someone else's hands", he said. "Run Fast' and 'Run Very Fast' are two plays that we just developed and were working very well for us", said Morin, "as you know, our receivers run fast or very fast past depending on the play, pasts their opponent and into the open field. Our Q.B., finds 'em and BAM!, touchdown. It works every time".
Even fans are dissappointed, not to mention flabbergasted at the incident. "What a bunch of dumbasses, AND I'M STILL AN ASSHOLE!", replied Dan Lewis, a faithful face puncher fan.
The Face Punchers, scheduled to play an unnamed team on June 25th at Ocean beach, will still play but this time, without their playbook.
In this reporters opinion, these guys are ding-dongs.