The Weekly Face Puncher: Face Punchers To Square Off Against Hard Core

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Face Punchers To Square Off Against Hard Core

The undefeated San Francisco Face Punchers have established their first rival, San Francisco Hard Core, a fag football team...whoops! excuse me, I meant flag football team. Both teams, led by Carlos "The Arm" Morin and Joe Ding Dong, have confirmed to reporters earlier this week, that the two powerhouses plan to meet on December 17th to find out who is king of the pigskin.

"We're ready", Morin says, "my boys don't chase flags around a field all day...they hit and they hit hard".

When asked about whether it was true that the score was already 2-0, Morin stated yes, saying that he had to promise them two touchdowns just to get them on the sand.
"It was pretty ridiculous", Morin said, "they actually accepted my offer". Morin went on to say that he "eats out bitches just like them".

The Face Punchers, a tackle football team, believes that flags are for fags. They began their season early this year playing tackle on the grass but made the switch to the beach just before the summer. They have risen to celebrity status as well as the most dominant team in their league. They are also the only team in their league, which clearly makes them # 1.

The Face Punchers played what they thought was their last game, The Super Beach, until they were challenged by Hard Core. Sources say the Face Punchers refused to play with flags on the grass and stated they would only play if it was tackle.
Hard Core agreed.

Not much can be said about Hard Core, except that they play with colorful flags and probably ghost runners.

One thing is for sure, they have their work cut out for them.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very creative. Did you come up with "fag" football yourself? Or did you learn it on one of your expeditions to the castro, while cross-dressing and picking up transvestites? Just curious....but thankfully not bi-curious.

-Joe "ho-ho" ski

P.S. I prefer Ho-Hos, not ding-dongs or twinkies.

9:41 PM, November 30, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

hard core, we will eat your soul. that's a promise.

11:09 PM, November 30, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

hey didn't dirty dechantal get in a fight a couple days ago with some guy from a flag football team?

11:15 PM, November 30, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

yes. but it was the wrong fag football team.

1:18 AM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

fellas. looks like "ho-ho" may be a liitle upset.
ive got your number "42". im coming for you.

1:21 AM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

now teddy, calm down. we dont need to send another guy to the hospital. and clear the foam from your mouth.

1:23 AM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger Big Poppa Slick said...

Thats not foam, cock breath.

9:34 AM, December 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aww....this is cute. Especially the pictures of you guys with your shirts off together. Looking forward to the game - it's clear we'll need to establish a "no back door" policy for you chumps, though.


10:28 AM, December 01, 2006  
Anonymous Mat the Tank said...

Hell my Mom could beat you Face Puncher pussies... but of course she is 6'2 250, runs a 4.5 40 and drives a mack truck.

11:54 AM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger Mona Lisa said...

there is going to be way too much testosterone....can't wait

12:07 PM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

you mom sounds like one fat son of a bitch. perhaps shes aware of the fat chick foundation i recently started.
i make sure ill fuck her real nice and good.

if you bitches need extra t.d.'s, just let me know.

p.s. tell your momma to call me.

12:24 PM, December 01, 2006  
Anonymous joeski said...

Keep giving us TDs.... it'll just make the final number on the shutout look better.

12:51 PM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

hard core, bring your flags to the game so you can cry into 'em on your way to the hospital.

4:13 PM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

good thinkin ted.

4:47 PM, December 01, 2006  
Anonymous claudia said...

whichever team win gets to sleep with me...again.

5:02 PM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger Brodeur said...

Watching them try to play football will be like watching a retarded person have a seizure.

Except funnier.

God, I love chess tournaments!

9:43 PM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger Mona Lisa said...

Funny LOS. But I don't sleep with winners.....only losers.

7:46 AM, December 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why are guys on this site wearing make-up on their profile pictures? Maybe they should call themselves finger-bangers

10:30 AM, December 02, 2006  
Blogger Brodeur said...

I like the sound of that.
Finger Bangers.

But before you suggest that we actually change our name, consider the consequences of being beaten by a team called "The Finger Bangers". One would imagine that it would entail... well... some finger banging, to begin with.

And since I just washed my hands, I'd rather not.

5:36 PM, December 02, 2006  
Anonymous mat the tank said...

This Mona Lisa chick is implying that we already get to sleep with her since we're such big losers...awesome.

6:10 PM, December 03, 2006  
Anonymous san francisco says... said...

been there, done that.

7:17 PM, December 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

not funny....

8:47 PM, December 03, 2006  
Blogger Mona Lisa said...

funny but if Claudia left that comment she would have put an S after the word win....

8:49 PM, December 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who plays a serious game of football on the beach?

What is wrong with using a football field?

There have to 10 or more we could reserve for this game.

Any field, football, soccer, whatever…would be better than playing in the broken glass, used medical waste and hidden fire pits that is Ocean Beach?

2:37 PM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger McFadden said...

We comb the field before we play, little girl. In our entire season of Facepunching it's never been a problem.

PS. Maybe if you're worried, you could wrap your feet with your pathetic little flags...once you're done using them to dry your tears.

3:00 PM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

who plays a serious game of football with flags. ill tell you who...flaggets?
who calls themself "hardcore", when its a bunch of pussies wearing cleats and gloves?

"most of us won't play tackle, others can't wait." - as your girlfriend joe dobrowski puts it..
ill tell you what, we can move this game to a field, no problem, but it's still gonna be tackle, how's that?
Will you still play?
i know more that 20 guys who dont give a shit about broken glass, medical waste or firepits.

pick your skirt up bitch and meet me on the sand.

5:02 PM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger Big Poppa Slick said...

Sounds like a plan. The game is on grass. Full tackle. Done.

9:05 PM, December 05, 2006  
Anonymous joeski said...

So now you ladies are ready to get crushed on grass?

As for a field, Kimball should be just fine.


9:28 PM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

you pussies can come to the beach.
joe, we need to get together to discuss more details.

12:26 AM, December 06, 2006  
Blogger McFadden said...

you keep accepting joke offers--extra TDs, field changes. The game has already been agreed upon--Now let's shut up and do this...Dec 17th--Ocean Beach--tackle...enough said.

12:54 AM, December 06, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

what the fuck is this shit?? questioning whether you can play a serious game of football on the beach? we've been doing this every two weeks for nearly six months, and it's always very intense, and very much a good time. no one has gotten hurt, except for the occasional bruised ego. seriously. the shit talking can continue, but doubting our organization is something i take offense to. we play on the beach, full contact, or we don't play at all. period.

2:05 AM, December 06, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

and i doubt that any of you pussies would seriously go from playing with flags and taking a two touchdown lead, to really wanting to play on grass, which i can guarantee none of us would have a problem with if it didn't break our tradition of playing in the sand. quit talking out of your ass. it smells bad.

2:11 AM, December 06, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

claudia, you left your panties at my house again. please come get them.

11:07 AM, December 06, 2006  
Anonymous McBride said...

Do you hear that...yup I'm pretty sure its the pain train. choo choo mother fuckers Im coming for your fucking heads.

3:14 AM, December 07, 2006  
Anonymous claudia said... wish.

12:09 PM, December 07, 2006  
Anonymous joey said...

Reguardless of what or where we play we gonna beat the shit outta these weiner pops.

11:14 PM, December 07, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

nice, joe joe. way to jump in and put your two cents in.

12:17 PM, December 08, 2006  
Blogger Brodeur said...

It's like the game all over again.... Joey coming out of nowhere to score a fucking TD.

10:49 PM, December 08, 2006  
Anonymous BIG JON said...


11:19 PM, December 08, 2006  
Blogger Brodeur said...

You should probably bring your mom.

You'll need her to comfort you and dry your tears.

6:41 PM, December 10, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't you worry about me, I have your mom on speed dial. she'll arrive faster than claudia after a drunk dial.

5:41 PM, December 11, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

i know claudia, and thats pretty goddamn fast.

6:30 PM, December 11, 2006  
Blogger Brodeur said...

Your probably thinking of someone else's mom. My mom has Cerebral Palsy and it takes her a very long time to do anything.

Plus, since her stomach-stapling operation she's been very bedridden.

Are you sure you've got the right guy?

You might want to head over to askjeeves and double check. You might be thinking of your sister. She looks a little bit like my mom and since they're both 600lbs, I could see how you'd get them confused.

8:06 PM, December 11, 2006  
Blogger McFadden said...

They should probably both join Carlos's Fat Chick Foundation.

2:59 PM, December 12, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

i fucked a fat chick once...maybe twice. she had "hardcore" tattooed on her.

3:04 PM, December 12, 2006  
Blogger Brodeur said...

... maybe 5 or 6 times.

7:40 PM, December 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greetings Face Punchers,

Is the first girl pictured in the "Women at the Super Beach After Party" post going to be present? I would like to use my superior football skills to woo her and make her my future X-wife. Both my Hep C and ghonarhea have been contained and are, for the time being, dormant. My physician, Dr. Ron Mexico, will confirm this. Also, it would be helpful to know if she prefers syrup or jelly, so anyone with this knowledge that could give me the heads up, it would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to let her know that I let all of my dates SUPER-SIZE their meals because that's how I get down. This leads to my next request....If it doesn't work out with her, I'd like to become a member of the Friends of the Fat Girl Foundation and am willing to contribute as many 12-piece buckets of original recipe or extra-crispy chicken from KFC as it takes. Furthermore, I have no problem submitting my resume which includes testimonials of some satisfied BBWs that would make for excellent candidates for the FGF. How can I be down? Can a brotha get an App. I've got my weight belt, supersuit, gloves, and grip chalk, so if they like to ride I won't need a spotter. I'm tired of people claming that like mopeds, fat girls are fun to ride until a friend sees you. Los, you are a true visionary for starting this fine organization and because of that, I have nominated you for next year's Nobel Prize for achievement in the field of Sociolology.

As for the big game. I'm looking forward to seeing if you guys play as well as you talk. If so, then maybe we'll have a competitive game. To be honest though, it's been my experience that those that say usually don't play well, and those that play well usually don't say. It may take us a series or 2 to adapt to the sand, but please do not misinterpret our decision to play a 25 plus game season using flags as an indication of us being afraid of contact. Although I have no way of proving to you that by nature we're a physical group, I will caution, that to rest on the assumption that we'll be out of our league once we start hitting, is about the worst thing you can do. Should this turn out to be a good match-up, and we'll all know it if it is, we'll have to take our next meeting to the grass - adding the element of speed back into the mix.
I'll wrap up my ramble by saying good luck out there, lets keep it clean and respectful, and hide your hoes.

With love and eternal hopes of getting deep in those guts,

Sweet Dick

4:10 PM, December 13, 2006  
Anonymous hardocre team captain said...

please, guys...don't hurt us. really. i'm scared. i just crapped my pants. i'm serious. it smells like babyfood, because i tend to gorge myself on babyfood when i've had one too many cosmo's with my boyfriend sweet dick willie. he's sooooo fine. even though his weewee's kinda little. but it's ok. i prefer the top, anyways.


the team captain/heart and soul of hardcore

10:13 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

whoever wrote the above comment needs to be shot. i meant someone needs to buy him a shot.

10:17 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger McFadden said...

Sorry Willie, our women don't want anything to do with losers.

11:19 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

dear sweet dick...wait, that didn't start out right.
dear dick...dammit, there i go again.
dear sweet cock...thats better.
she wont be there. actually, noone knows who she is.

10:48 AM, December 14, 2006  
Blogger Brodeur said...

Man, that sweet dick sure did type a lot of words.

7:04 PM, December 14, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

i don't know how to read.

11:04 PM, December 14, 2006  
Anonymous claudia said...

who's this anonymous pussy talking about me...? only Los can talk like that

5:27 PM, December 15, 2006  
Blogger McFadden said...

Tomorrow: Hardcore gets Facepunched.

10:55 PM, December 16, 2006  
Anonymous jesus said...

dear hard core,
theres nothing i can do for you. your better off praying to santa.

12:09 AM, December 17, 2006  
Anonymous hard core's girlfriends said...

to the face punchers,
after you slaughter our pussy boyfriends, will you please fuck our tight pink pussies?

12:11 AM, December 17, 2006  
Blogger JD said...

Hey Face Munchers,

After you get your asses handed to..... please no crying.


11:32 AM, December 17, 2006  
Blogger JD said...

Come out and play with HCFF - check the website for times/locations

6:38 PM, December 18, 2006  
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Wait, Im not done laughing yet...

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11:07 PM, December 19, 2006  
Blogger JD said...

1:18 AM, December 20, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

i still don't know how to read. and now i have a cracked rib. i love hockey.

8:35 AM, December 20, 2006  
Anonymous Brodeur said...

I thought we were playing baseball?

12:37 PM, December 20, 2006  

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