Face Punchers suffer devastating loss...Carlos Morin missing
The Face Punchers were embarrased this past weekend with their first loss to Hard Core Flag Football. A ridiculous score of 98-8, the Face Punchers have contacted BALCO to inquire whether or not Hard Core players were on steroids. When asked what made him think they were on illegal growth hormones, Morin stated that "they were big and screamed alot...mostly at me".
The game started at exactly 1:30 with the Face Punchers taking possession. Shortly after being stuffed at the line, the Face Punchers opted to punt. A few plays later, Hard Core was in the endzone to make the score 1-0. The last two sentences repeated 16 times for a final score of 98-8. No, that's not a typo, it really was 98-8.
Carlos "The Arm" Morin, 3-time self-proclaimed MVP, could not live up to his name (that he respectfully gave to himself), throwing for a club record 6 interceptions and 5 yards passing. To add, his contract with the Face Punchers organization is in jeopardy. Reporters have tried to contact Morin but noone is answering at his Tenderloin Mansion. A sign outside his door reads, "Noone is here". A mat also lies on the floor reading, "Welcome", an interesting turn of events since noone is there to welcome you.
It was, however, a beautiful Sunday for football but Jesus Christ was certainly not with the Face Punchers, instead, he showed up sporting a rugby jersey and a sign that read, "If flags are for fags than call me Mary". Oh, Jesus. What a kidder.
Another sell-out crowd turned out with a total of 30 plus fans, all who received a cum towel at the gate from their favorite Face Puncher. Cum towel supervisor Claudia, was on hand to pass them out to the first 30 fans. "There's certainly more where these came from", she continued, "whoops!, I got some on my face...mmm, that's good".
Perhaps the greatest highlight of the day was a whale that beached for the day to watch the game. Wearing a black #90 Face Puncher jersey and a thumbs up for his favorite team, the beached whale cheered his team on. Hey whale, thanks.
The Face Punchers, now in the off-season, are not scheduled to return to the sand until spring for training camps and exhibition games.
Keep your pages turned to the Weekly Face Puncher to find out what your favorite player is doing. Chances are, it has something to do with homosexuality.
Correction: After this article was written, it was discovered that what was thought to be a beached whale was the Face Punchers center, Brett Sturgell, signaling to the crowd that he loves a nice thumb up his ass.