The Weekly Face Puncher: Face Punchers suffer devastating loss...Carlos Morin missing

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Face Punchers suffer devastating loss...Carlos Morin missing

The Face Punchers were embarrased this past weekend with their first loss to Hard Core Flag Football. A ridiculous score of 98-8, the Face Punchers have contacted BALCO to inquire whether or not Hard Core players were on steroids. When asked what made him think they were on illegal growth hormones, Morin stated that "they were big and screamed alot...mostly at me".

The game started at exactly 1:30 with the Face Punchers taking possession. Shortly after being stuffed at the line, the Face Punchers opted to punt. A few plays later, Hard Core was in the endzone to make the score 1-0. The last two sentences repeated 16 times for a final score of 98-8. No, that's not a typo, it really was 98-8.

Carlos "The Arm" Morin, 3-time self-proclaimed MVP, could not live up to his name (that he respectfully gave to himself), throwing for a club record 6 interceptions and 5 yards passing. To add, his contract with the Face Punchers organization is in jeopardy. Reporters have tried to contact Morin but noone is answering at his Tenderloin Mansion. A sign outside his door reads, "Noone is here". A mat also lies on the floor reading, "Welcome", an interesting turn of events since noone is there to welcome you.

It was, however, a beautiful Sunday for football but Jesus Christ was certainly not with the Face Punchers, instead, he showed up sporting a rugby jersey and a sign that read, "If flags are for fags than call me Mary". Oh, Jesus. What a kidder.

Another sell-out crowd turned out with a total of 30 plus fans, all who received a cum towel at the gate from their favorite Face Puncher. Cum towel supervisor Claudia, was on hand to pass them out to the first 30 fans. "There's certainly more where these came from", she continued, "whoops!, I got some on my face...mmm, that's good".

Perhaps the greatest highlight of the day was a whale that beached for the day to watch the game. Wearing a black #90 Face Puncher jersey and a thumbs up for his favorite team, the beached whale cheered his team on. Hey whale, thanks.

The Face Punchers, now in the off-season, are not scheduled to return to the sand until spring for training camps and exhibition games.

Keep your pages turned to the Weekly Face Puncher to find out what your favorite player is doing. Chances are, it has something to do with homosexuality.

Correction: After this article was written, it was discovered that what was thought to be a beached whale was the Face Punchers center, Brett Sturgell, signaling to the crowd that he loves a nice thumb up his ass.

The End.


Blogger JD said...

LOL, great post Carlos.

BTW, I screwed up the score, it wasn't that bad after all... it was 96-8. Then again, you spotted us two TDs to get us on the sand, so the score was 108-8. Or maybe it was 96, since I attempted to call of the two TD gift before the game. 96, 108... either way, it's a lot higher than I am used to counting.

If any of you guys want to play some FLAG football with Mary in your off-season. Check out our site at

It's hard to believe the game was nearly 2 1/2 years ago in April of 2004, seems like last week.


PS Carlos is standup guy. He actually posted his apology and the HCFF logo on his site.

2:24 AM, December 21, 2006  
Blogger JD said...

Oh BTW, those rugby jerseys are actually footy jersey... australian rules football. I borrowed them from the game. We don't normally wear those, as you can tell from the refusal by some (NORRIS and the flash dance outfit) to wear them during the game.

If anyone is interested in Footy, check out


2:27 AM, December 21, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

it was an exhibition game. we're still undefeated.

3:31 PM, December 21, 2006  
Blogger Aaron said...

next time we play them I'm going to need more jack daniels

and more lube

I ran through a quart of astroglide and my asshole still hasn't stopped bleeding.

4:30 PM, December 21, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

los you left your thong under my bed. again.

6:25 PM, December 22, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

good news. the results are back from the lab and it seems that hard core was tested positive for steroids meaning that theyre win over us doesnt count.
i thought something was strange.
it also shows that biz marque had another person in his stomach when he was on the line, meaning that they actually had 9 guys on the sand, a clear violation of the games rules.
as of now, hard core was stripped of all their touchdowns leaving them with zero to our one.
great job guys, we pulled it out.

face punchers 1, hard core 0.

we also have a new name,
the all-natural face punchers.

3:43 PM, December 23, 2006  
Blogger Aaron said...

God bless BALCO!

12:20 PM, December 24, 2006  
Blogger Big Poppa Slick said...

Dont forget the two you suckaz spotted us. So we win by the TD. Dont sing it, bring it, Foolz.
Yo Daddy,
"Guess my Nationality".

1:16 AM, December 25, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

damn that hardcore team!! the steroids made their brains bigger too! way to call that out, big poppa slick. now my xmas is ruined.

9:10 AM, December 25, 2006  
Anonymous Joey said...


12:34 PM, December 25, 2006  
Blogger Aaron said...


Fuck no. I already lost most of my last testicle during that game.

1:05 PM, December 26, 2006  
Blogger TeddyTwoNames said...

yeah, joey, maybe if they tie their hand behind their backs with the flags, then we can get a rematch.

11:43 AM, December 28, 2006  
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3:46 PM, February 07, 2010  

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