The Weekly Face Puncher: Facepunchers Announce Season Opener

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Facepunchers Announce Season Opener

It's official. Amid a near firestorm of press coverage, team co-founders Morin and McFadden announced at a much anticipated press conference that the 2007 season of the Facepunchers will kick off Sunday, April 22nd at Ocean Beach. After the applause finally died down, they were able to field some questions from the media...

"Now that the team has one season behind it, what have you learned that you might apply in the coming months?"


"What do you have to say about the recent trouble involving Carlos and his drinking in the Tenderloin? Does he really plan to bring sexy back?"

"The Facepunchers organization has no comment at this time, except that we plan to unleash a spree of crime and looting the likes of which the 'loin has never seen."

"Does the league intend to take a stronger stance against off-field legal troubles the way the NFL has with Adam "Pacman" Jones and Chris Henry?"

"Absolutely not. It is every Facepuncher's right to get arrested. In fact, we may make it mandatory that every member of the team is taken into custody at least once for drunk and disorderly conduct during the season."

"Who will be your starting quarterbacks on opening day?"

"At this time, we have several talented prospects who show a lot of promise. But we'll probably let Carlos do it instead...we know how he feels about running when he's not chasing an ice-cream truck."

"How has Jim's recent deal to be the spokesman for Jim Beam Whiskey affected the team? How do you respond to critics that claim the organization is selling out?"

"The deal has had no effect on the team. Jim has always been powered by at least a bottle per game, and now he has found a way to get it for free. As for allegations of selling out, that's preposterous, we would never do such a thing. Anyone who knows that Jim Beam is the smoothest best-tasting whiskey on the market also knows that The Facepunchers are not for sale."

Morin and McFadden then angrily stormed out of the room, leaving reporters both stunned and confused. But one thing was for certain, The Facepunchers triumphant return to the sandiron is imminent.

This report brought to you by Jim Beam Whiskey--"the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey this is joey again im at work beind a rent-a-cop but fuck it money makes the world go around. Damn i dnt think i can make the first game if u guys have it do to really shitty weather. if u do or dont id appreciate if some one could let me knw when the next game is if not Los my number is 415 5747806 all rite se yall around.

12:12 AM, April 22, 2007  

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