July 30th..Let the Face Punching Commence
In keeping with the FCBFL's announced schedule, the next contest will take place at 3:30pm July 30th on Ocean Beach in the league's official meeting place--across from the windmill. The Face Punchers, currently 4-0 and in sole possession of first place, seek to remain undefeated despite the absence of founder Carlos "she told me she was eighteen" Morin.
Morin, a first-string quarterback for the Face Punchers, will be on medical leave in Austin, Texas treating an undisclosed medical condition. Though not released publicly, the treatment is said to involve the lasering of what league insiders describe as "unidentified growths in the groin area". Morin has issued only a brief statement regarding his absence: "Seriously, go fuck yourselves."
The lack of Morin's arm will surely put more pressure on co-founder and quarterback/reciever Jim "enough about the nipple rings already" McFadden. Asked about the high expectations of his performance in next weeks game, he responded, "unidentified growths in the groin area? Have you guys checked your sources on this?" When made aware that he had not answered the Chronicle's question, McFadden then stated: "I can have you all killed!" He then stormed out and punched several photographers in the face, screaming "We're The Face Punchers, bitches!" Charges are expected to be filed later in the week.
With the demotion of Aaron "it's almost impressive how bad I am at catching a football" Brodeur to The Bitch Leagues, several newcomers will be vying for a position on the team's growing roster. One of last week's standouts, Colby Pritchard, is said to be high in the running after an impressive defensive showing. In response to Morin's statement that Brodeur needed to have "one hell of a game" to be promoted back from The Bitch Leagues, Aaron had this to say, "I don't know, it's like, I can see the ball coming, and I know I'm supposed to catch it, but then I don't."
July 30th Facepunchers...faces will be punched.
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