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The Weekly Face Puncher: Face Punchers Girlfriend Found With Stolen Chihuahua...Says, "I Got Your Chihuahua Right Here!"

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Face Punchers Girlfriend Found With Stolen Chihuahua...Says, "I Got Your Chihuahua Right Here!"


In a bizarre incident this morning, the Chihuahua dubbed "Chemo", was rescued from the grasp of a local woman. Who was that local woman, that selfishly stole the pet of a dying cancer patient? Raya, that's who, the girlfriend of Face Puncher superstar, Taylor Haisch.

On Saturday, September 2nd, Chemo the Chihuahua, beloved pet of an 8 yr. old cancer patient, was found missing from the front seat of the family car. Investigators say, that while parked in the parking garage of the San Francisco Childrens Hospital, Raya, sneaked in, broke the passenger side window and fled with the dog.

News of the story broke first thing Sunday morning.

The suspect, who claims that "Chemo started shit with her", is the girlfriend of Taylor Haisch, a starting cornerback and free safety for the San Francisco Face Punchers. The Face Punchers, who have exploded onto the scene with their nitty gritty style football, are ranked 1st in the Full-Contact Beach Football League.
They are also sole owners of every first place category including:
1. most alcohol consumed before a game.
2. most alcohol consumed during a game.
3. most alcohol consumed after a game.

Raya claims that, while en route to her afternoon self-help class, "Chemo" began to bark at her as she drove side by side with the car. Witnesses also state that yelping from the car could also be heard.

In a fit of rage, Raya, determined to "kick his ass", followed the car, waited until the driver walked away, and there, in the garage, victimized the puppy.
Raya states that she only wanted to talk with the dog about it's actions and to resolve any problems the dog may have had with her. After trying to talk "Chemo" into rolling down his window, she then states that Chemo threw his paws in the air and responded with, "What's up Bitch, whatcha gonna do now?"
That's when the scene took a turn for the worse. Raya then kicked in the window and threw a right cross striking "Chemo" across the face.
Investigators say that, due to the height and weight difference of both opponents, "Chemo" was destined to lose.
"Chemo only had a reach of three inches and weighed in at 2 lbs, he was no match for her", states a close friend of the family.

When Chemo failed to revive himself, Raya panicked and fled with the dog, leaving only one clue, an acting/modeling business card.

"Chemo", however, was recovered this morning but with significant signs of abuse and is not expected to recover completely. He has also suffered significant brain damage and may never again walk the same.

"Fuck him, he deserved what he got", states Raya, "if you had of heard what he said to me, you would have done the same thing".

"It is one of the worst case of abuse this department has ever seen", stated police chief, Ron Ward, "only the sexual abuse of several kitties from a case prior to this one, have I seen anything so horrible" - Ward, referring to the kitty porn ring recently broken up earlier this summer.

Charges against Raya are expected to be filed later this week.

4 Comments:

Blogger McBride said...

This is horrible. The senseless beating of animals is never acceptable. However, I did kick a dog in the head but that’s because he called me a fagot, which is totally different from this situation. Being the humanitarian and pacifist that I am I propose that we give Raya the death penalty for her inexcusable actions.

1:10 PM, September 06, 2006  
Blogger Mona Lisa said...

Los....you're killing me. By the way, did you know that there is a serial cat killer in Singapore? Why don't we go after that psycho?!

1:00 AM, September 07, 2006  
Blogger Los said...

thats it damnit!. its time we stand up and fight back for all animals. this is really getting out of hand. first san francisco and now singapore? what next?
are we really ging to just stand by and watch innocent victims like chemo get beaten, no, i dont think so.
whos with me?
who will join in my fight?
who will rise beside me and join in my revolution?

you can sign up just outside the clift cafe. dan lewis will be there to take volunteers.

11:07 AM, September 07, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i heart dan lewis

7:01 PM, September 07, 2006  

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